Finding a therapist was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. It was a little over six years ago when I knew I needed to seek professional help. I found myself constantly triggered by mundane things, often angry, and was dealing with a lot of trauma that I was bottling up and suppressing. I knew it was time to go sit on a couch and talk to the lady.
How I Ended Up in Therapy:⠀⠀
The ultimate straw that broke the camel’s back per say was Mothers Day weekend of 2018. A spiral that would send me straight into therapy. It’s never been a weekend I liked or even loved. It was a weekend that people gushed about what their mothers taught them and how their mom was there best friend. I never had that. My mother wasn’t my best friend. We never had a good relationship (despite what people thought) and quite frankly as the oldest only girl, that sucked. So every year I would hide on Mother’s Day weekend. But celebrate my friends. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
There comes a point where you lie to yourself and say you don’t want children anymore. Then you say I don’t want a girl out of sheer fear of perpetuating the cycle of poor mother daughter relationships. I knew it was something she inherited but I refused to take generational curses forward. PERIOD. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But that year, everything I suppressed came out. Here I was, 33 at the time, not a mother yet, had just had my third miscarriage, not knowing can you even have a child, people ignorantly asking when you’re going to have a baby and didn’t even have my own mom to spend time with… I snapped. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Finding My Therapist:
I was beyond lucky in finding my therapist and she is the PERFECT match for me. I simply overheard my hairstylist talking about her experience with her therapist and I said give me her number. I harassed her for weeks until I got the number and immediately reached out. I was ready to do the work. While I was ready to shop around for a therapist making sure the connection and rapport was what I needed, I’m grateful I got the perfect match. For those who may be looking for a therapist, don’t feel guilty about shopping around and finding the perfect fit FOR YOU.
Here is what you need to know before starting therapy:
1. Be Ready
You want to be ready and acknowledge that you need the help, but not necessarily in an immediate crisis. Nothing was really happening traumatic at the moment I decided to go, but I knew I had things that needed to be addressed. So I was disarmed and ready to do the work on my own.
2. Have A Set Goal
What is your desired outcome from therapy? On my very first session my therapist asked me why I was there. And I immediately knew the answer. I told her not only did I need to pinpoint triggers, that I wanted to get married and have children and I refused to take generational curses with me. Having a clear goal for your therapy outcome will help not only you but your therapist get down to the nitty gritty.
3. Be Honest
Be honest with yourself, and more importantly be honest with your therapist. They can’t help you if you’re lying. Nothing is off limits and there is no judgment. Just like any other medical professional, they can’t properly address your issues and symptoms if you’re hiding. Be open, and let them peel the layers back.
4. Be Committed and Do The Work
Be committed to the process. It’s definitely a journey and NOT an easy one. Many things will surface and it’s not always going to feel great. Keep going and pushing through the pain. You will have homework assignments, and it’s best that you do them. Trust me.
5. Grieve The Person You Were
You should be going into therapy with a goal in mind, almost always it’s you coming out a different person. As you go through the journey and learn more about yourself, you’re going to need to grieve the person you used to be, realizing that person may have suited you for a particular season in your life, but they are no longer needed. We are getting out of survival mode and learning how to flourish.
